Marriage, Issues and More

Marriage is not a bed of roses is an over flogged statement and the fact that the grass seems greener on the other side is a catch phrase used by counsellors to calm Married women down and to avoid comparison. My end of the spectrum looks like a desert -no grass- once in a while you hit an oasis.

by general standard I have a perfect life, have been married for a little over two years, two wonderful boys, my hubby like pda (public display of attention) so everyone that sees us outside will be thinking "god she is sooo lucky a to have a very attentive husband" if only they can see they can see the full picture.

am not doing the post to insult my hubby or gather a pity party - no- i just want to freely air my mind and truthful express how i feel, just like you do in a journal.

 It doesn't seem much but this means a lot to me, m is night crawler as in he uses every excuse in the book to hangout. Now this happens at least twice each week sometimes more. This isn't a new issue its been on since before we got married, when you get advised that what you cant endure in marriage don't take it while single, don’t expect a man to change for you when you get married. I am current living that live. M promised me he will change and that he only goes out because his single and home alone so I expected that once we get married it will change since am there for him, for where? Noting changed. Even when I was pregnant with the boys and we had no power and i was too big to bend and put on the generator it was OYO (on your own) for my sorry ass and serious heat till he comes back between 2-5am. Then i told myself that once i give birth he will be rushing back home because he want to see his boys for where? OYO (meaning above) for me. 3 weeks after giving birth he came 5am in the morning -Friday night groove.

I have always wanted to marry an entrepreneur because i felt he will have freedom to pick his time but now I wish my husband has a regular job with fixed hours maybe that will help but I doubt anything will change him except for GOD.

Sometime I wish I was financially independent enough to move out with my boys at least that way I won’t spend 2 night each week waiting and praying he comes back home safe and these thought only flash through my mind on those days he comes back late but they shouldn't be in my mind at all. I just feel frustrated that’s why am writing this.
I pray things improve, please join in praying because outside this issue M is a really wonderful guy and I love him to bits, am sure I always will which is why this hurts so much. Hmm it is well.